Editor’s note: The powers that be at WND.com have told Michael Ackley he may submit the occasional column. As Golden State madness has accelerated, Mr. Ackley has succumbed to the urge to get back in the game. Hence, the items below. Remember that his columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.

Approaching a supermarket this week, we were confronted by a child attempting to raise funds by selling a more or less useless set of discount coupons. (We donated, but didn’t buy the thing.)

The child was diminutive and wore an ill-fitting Boy Scout uniform, complete with neckerchief and merit badges. The child had long hair, delicate features and large blue eyes. The child was a girl.

We know that the philosophical battle over the presence of girls in the Boy Scouts was lost some time ago. Scouting caved in to the idea of admitting females despite the many and cogent arguments against it. The capitulation was just one in a long line of surrenders to militant feminist assertions that there isn’t much difference between boys and girls – and never mind that one must be intentionally deaf and blind to accept those assertions.

While this particular war seems irretrievably lost, it still may be won on the level of the individual – among parents who still believe the evidence of their senses rather than the demands of ideology. To fortify such resistance, I submit, slightly altered, an editorial about girls in the Boy Scouts, which I wrote more than a quarter century ago.

The editorial follows:

Setting aside legal arguments, there is one, overriding reason that no girl should want to join the Boy Scouts.

It is a reason any parent – certainly any father – should recognize. The reason is, Boy Scouts are boys.

Worse: They are adolescent boys.

Worse still: They are aggregations – sometimes scores in number – of adolescent boys.

Anybody with any experience dealing with adolescent boys – and this clearly would include any father who has been an adolescent boy – knows that in groups these creatures are as close to intolerable as any of God’s creations.

How do we decry them? Let us count the ways:

They sweat, they stink, they spit, they curse.

They talk about sex constantly and are obsessed with bodily products, solid, liquid and, especially, gaseous.

They wrestle and fight, and the big ones pick on the little ones, not just physically, but also psychologically.

The torments they devise for the weak and the sensitive would test the imagination of the Grand Inquisitor. In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if Thomas de Torquemada himself achieved at least the rank of Life Scout.

In short, Boy Scouts don’t enter the ranks committed to the oath they learn to recite. They are not trustworthy, honest, loyal, obedient, kind, clean, thrifty, reverent or otherwise virtuous. They are learning to be these things.

In the process of learning, they show themselves to be sneaky, dishonest, disobedient, cruel, dirty, profligate and profane. (We’ll give them friendly and brave.)

Scouting helps boys become men, and it does the job well.

But it’s a process no girl should be forced to witness, let alone to undergo.

A girl’s mother might not know this, and her dad may have forgotten. However, we would like to remind them that God made man in his own image and likeness, but the deity didn’t let him go through adolescence. If he had, there would have been no need to drive him from the Garden of Eden.

Paradise would have been lost about the time Adam turned 13.

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