Editor’s note: The powers that be at WND.com have told Michael Ackley he may submit the occasional column. As Golden State madness has accelerated, Mr. Ackley has succumbed to the urge to get back in the game. Hence, the items below. Remember that his columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. Ackley assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.
Amy Handleman was upset about Vice President Harris.
“It’s bad enough that the previously friendly mainstream media have been hectoring her about her alleged failure to visit our border with Mexico,” she wailed, “but it has been even worse to learn that poor Kamala hasn’t even been to Europe!”
Amy paused briefly for breath, then continued, “It is essential that she go to Europe because she needs to fill out her presidential credentials by meeting with our NATO allies and taking tea with Vladimir Putin.
“She needs to show she can hold her own with that despot … maybe tell him, ‘No more pipelines for you, unless you clean up your act.’
“So we’re starting a GoFundMe page to finance Kamala’s grand tour.”
We must admit we were a bit taken with the idea, but asked, “Can’t she just fly to Europe on Air Force Two?”
Amy hesitated for a long second, then replied, “It’s important that citizens take the initiative because it would save money for the federal government.”
I had to admit this held some appeal, but I said, “At the risk of hectoring, Amy, what about the Mexican border?”
“She knows all about that,” Amy said. “After all, she comes from California – a border state – and I’m pretty sure she has been to San Diego … maybe even Chula Vista … right by the border.
“Ánd she went to Guatemala, which has a border with Mexico, so she has been to the border from both sides.”
We asked, “Why not just get it over with and go to, say, El Paso?”
Amy was incredulous. “That wouldn’t do her any good,” she said.
When she detailed how to contribute to the GoFundMe page, we stopped listening … because it also would pay for a return trip.
Meanwhile, back in the Golden State: Republican gubernatorial candidate John Cox is flooding television with commercials depicting him standing beside a giant, live grizzly bear. Tough guy, get it? Gov. Gavin Newsom is characterized as “pretty boy.” (Well, the fellow is handsome.)
So far Cox’s operation has been running a kind of “where’s the beef” campaign, skating along on such discontent as may exist over Newsom’s coronavirus restrictions.
One wonders when he’ll hit the governor on real, dollars-and-cents issues, like Newsom’s Employment Development Department.
EDD can’t find a way to provide timely processing of legitimate claims for unemployment compensation, yet it managed to shell out BILLIONS of dollars (yes, billions, capital “B”) to participants in a scam concocted by prison inmates and their confederates on the outside.
Speaking of coronavirus restrictions: Californians definitely are confused about the efficacy of face masks. Some retail establishments still require them for entry; others post signs in their windows saying mask wearing is “encouraged.”
The facial-covering mandate has brought out some creativity in visage variation or mask manipulation. We have seen masks worn beneath the nose, masks covering just the chin, masks pushed up onto the forehead, and masks serving as a kind of facial-hair snood, partially confining particularly lush beards.
May the gods grant that the latter does not become fashionable in the long term.
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