Who wants a cuddly, fluffy Biden hand puppet? Impress your friends and neighbors with this official three-letter-agency-crafted, heirloom-quality Biden look alike! Listen to entertaining, official words of folksy Biden family wisdom like, “Oh, come on, man! You know … the thing!”
Get one puppet FREE with each $70 billion taxpayer-sponsored donation to the NATO-Ukraine war effort, which when fully funded will obliterate both Mad Vlad Putin and his evil Russian military!
Don’t forget the children! A family-level $250 billion taxpayer-sponsored donation to Ukraine’s war effort made through the Federal Reserve’s new no-money crypto currency will snag you up to five of these cuddly, lovable, made-in-Delaware hand puppets! Be sure to complete our easy-to-follow taxpayer forms, and don’t forget to check the “Make Ukraine Great Again” box to give your donation with no additional taxes or fees owed by you!
But wait! There’s more! If you call or email us right now your name will immediately, permanently and irrevocably be inscribed on a new Ukraine bioweapons lab protective perimeter wall being built right now at U.S. expense!
Think of what this lasting legacy of “peace through war” will mean to you and your children’s children, on out through all future generations until the bioweapons lab creates a truly error-free biological weapon that eliminates all conservatives, leaving only weapons-grade hardened liberals to protect this world, advance democracy and clean the environment in places where no infected human person has ever gone before!
Plus, if you order by cellphone or email today, you will be placed on the FBI’s do not disturb list. Think of the importance you will feel watching your entire neighborhood being raided by armed FBI agents operating directly at this puppet’s command!
If the agents come too close while arresting your neighbors who doubted your importance, just stick your puppet-clad hand out the window and press the emergency button on the back of the puppet. Immediately a loud, electronic-assisted voice that sounds almost like the real Biden will exit the puppet’s speaker on the front.
Feel your hand vibrate with power as the puppet shouts the words, “Hey, come on, man! Look out, girl! Get off my grass!” Finally, you will command the respect you deserve from people who don’t even know you, as the agents call the D.C. police to imprison the new captives until somebody can be found to prosecute them. Failing prosecution, these prisoners can be used to test any new bioweapons products being released into the world. Remember, U.S. bioweapons safety protocol requires that population-reduction bioweapons should always be tested on troublemakers first.
Don’t let this offer slip by you. You will be someone to whom your progeny can point with pride and say, “He’s not one of us! We have no idea how he got into the family line.”
Remember, donate today. It costs you nothing, and the world will be a better place because you answered the call to action today!
The Armageddon Story novel series.
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